apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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