i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
