when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize