i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
