No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
