Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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