Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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