Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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