I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
