Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
