i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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