Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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