There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
