Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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