i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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