I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
