yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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