Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
