So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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