I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
