Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
