??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
