so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
