Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
