wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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