whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
