i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
