discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
