What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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