This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
