Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Green mimosas i think yes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
