I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
