Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
