dude i'm inner monologue high
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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