apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
