what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
two words: eviction party
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
