drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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