This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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