im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
