Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
