I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
