I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
