So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
