I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
