im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
