I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
