If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
