A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
