I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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