For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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