I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
