So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
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Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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