I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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