I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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