We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
