I'm lost and stupid without you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
