there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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