She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
