I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
