Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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