Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
