I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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