I cannot find my penis.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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