She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
