so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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