1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
