Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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