im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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