I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is this like a preordered booty call?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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