I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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