he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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