Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's even glitter on my cock...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
