tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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