and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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